A Nutty Situation
by SappheRin
Summary: Bleach gone fuzzy! Grimmjow and Ichigo are squirrels. "Ichigo those clothes won't fit you.  Grimmjow stop playing with your penis. Lisa, stop recording him playing with his penis. Ichigo, I'm telling you those clothes won't fit. AH!" AU/BoyxBoy/Slight OOC
1. Squirrel Society

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Bleach. We own the cuteness =3

**Warnings:** Cursing, and slight lewd suggestions

Enjoy!

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><p>One day in the peaceful park, where the birds sang brightly, small bugs roamed freely, raccoons shitted, and deer screwed, there was a small community of squirrel kind-the Squirrel Society.<p>

"Hahaha! I'ma cut your tail off this time!" A shady figure shouted. Its crackling laughter echoed through the park. Two shady figures landed on the screwing deer making them topple over in shock. They pushed away now on the ground. Snapping sounds filled the air. Before any creature could get a good glimpse, the two figures disappeared once again. One figure got hit across the forest slamming into the shitting raccoon. Indeed the raccoon shat more than raccoonly possible before screeching and hiding beneath a nearby bush.

"Watch it you two fur-fuckers!" The raccoons comment went ignored when one blurry shape got up from where it had crashed into the raccoon. It pushed back into the trees attacking the other one with a shock of blue fur.

"Fuck you Grimmjow!"

A pair of birds was nestled together in a tree, simply feeding each other various hunks of worm, as was customary among the feathered flocks. Their chicks were resting among the mud and straw of the nest. They chirped insistently, wanting to partake in the worm feast.

A loud growl disrupted the ambiance of the solitary park. Peace came to an instant end as two shadowy figures climbed up on the trees towards the oblivious birds. Feathers cascaded down from the treetops as well as the body of one unfortunate male bird. All other animals watched the spectacle with disgust smothered onto their faces.

A rather large raven observing the monstrosity from afar decided to assert his opinion over the matter. "God damn it Ichigo, Grimmjow! Why is it every day you have to do this! I'm going to bite your stupid furry little heads off one of these days!"

The mischievous shadows stopped their destructive path. A shock of orange fur was seen. It was a squirrel. He stared at the lump of bird guts on the ground before hitting his blue-furred companion in the gut.

"Ouch! What the hell was that for?"

"Look over there Grimmjow! You idiot! How many fucking times must I tell you not to kill the damn birds? "

"Relax. Don't get your acorns all in a bunch. Those stupid feathered freaks can reproduce faster than you can kill them," The blue-furred squirrel said with a wave of his paw holding a grin to the sight of the dead bird.

"Not with you around they don't!"

"Silence, you insolent pups!" The crowd of spectators hushed as a gray, elder squirrel appeared from the shadows.

"Great. It's the nutty old man Yamamoto. We're fucked," Grimmjow muttered, receiving another smack from the angry orange squirrel.

"You mean again?" Ichigo piped up quietly standing next to Grimmjow giving him a slight glare, "I swear asshole. If you keep getting me in trouble like this..."

"What? Whatcha gonna do?" Grimmjow smirked.

"I'm going to have you baby sit my dad again. Today he found a human energy drink."

Grimmjow visibly shuddered to the thought of watching Ichigo's old man, even more with an energy drink high. He'd take any punishment old man Yama gave him instead of that.

Ichigo grinned, knowing he had the upper hand in the argument. He was looking forward to torturing that blue asshole for causing all of his misery.

"I'd rather be babysitting someone else..." The lewd proposition Grimmjow was hinting at made Ichigo's teeth chatter. Grimmjow chuckled.

"Oh, go lick a walnut!"

"Sure. I'll lick your walnuts." A sudden twitch and Ichigo was rubbing his ears in agony. That perverted squirrel was enough to make his blood curdle.

"Bastard!" The orange-furry yelled out, wanting to stab Grimmjow in the tail with a branch, but of course the elder squirrel would be a witness to that act of violence. And Ichigo didn't want to be in any more trouble than he already because of that prick.

The blue-furred squirrel grinned wickedly leaning towards his orange-furred companion with a dangerous glint in his azure eyes. He would lick Ichigo's walnuts one day. The thought made his fur bristle with anticipation. He glanced over at Ichigo, deadpanning at the hot glare on him. _Yeah probably not anytime soon..._

It was at that moment when both bickering squirrels examined the situation at hand. The elder was eyeing the two of them and he did not seem amused in the least.

"If you are unable to coexist in our home then you both shall be exiled and forced to live in the human realm," Yamamoto shouted over the two young squirrels who winced at the tone of the elder squirrel.

Several gasps echoed throughout the park. "But-but sire! These pups are too young to be out in the wilderness alone!" A concerned black-furred squirrel was the first to speak up to Yamamoto. No other animal dared to speak out against his authority. The hushed spectators stared wide-eyed at the elder. It seemed as if a burning fire was forming in his irises. An angry aura exuded from the elder, making each animal cower in fear.

"Sire?" The angry flames seemed to smolder a bit.

"Listen closely. Indeed there will be punishment. If it is not carried out precisely the way I demand, you two will be thrown out of the Squirrel Society." Ichigo and Grimmjow could only nod in resignation.

"Very well... As the first punishment, you both will be given the responsibility of cleaning duty."

"Cleaning? " Ichigo asked, his tail twitched a few times as he tilted his head to the side a bit questioning the elder. He didn't like were this was going.

"The rabbits are very filthy animals. And quite frankly, no one else wishes to enter Las Conejeras."

Ichigo sighed; his tail drooped to the ground in defeat. His blue-furred annoyance appeared to be amused, grinning devilishly. Ichigo wanted to smack the smile off the pervert's face. Damn him!

Soon enough, Ichigo and Grimmjow were shoved toward the overpowering aroma of feces. The blue squirrel gagged, leaning over with both paws shielding his nostrils. Ichigo's vision started to blur. He needed to lie down before he couldn't tolerate the horrible smell any longer.

"Grimmjow..." Ichigo's weak voice called out. His furry face became very pale.

"What?" Grimmjow answered, muffled by two blue paws.

"I think I'm going to pass out." Ichigo's face looked pained, and his eyes looked a little out of focus.

"Ichigo, just breathe through your mouth and you will be okay. Sheesh..." Grimmjow was certainly worried about his friend. Ichigo took a deep breath in through his mouth then began to choke immediately holding his throat.

"Ack I can t-taste it!" Ichigo yelled.

"Quit complaining already!"

"But it stinks so badly! And it's ruining my taste buds!"

"Then stay outside and shovel it into the leaf bowl! Damn."

Ichigo shoved his companion down deep into the tunnels. They each were scraping up poop with a small scrap of wood. Grimmjow sighed heavily while flinging some out of the hole behind him, hitting Ichigo with it by accident who was shoveling the feces into the bowl constructed out of a pile of leaves. Covered in bits of chocolate rabbit presents, Ichigo became furious. He slammed the make-shift shovel on the ground. The fur of his tail was bristling angrily.

"Bastard!" Ichigo yelled, scrambling to find a piece of refuse repulsive enough to throw at Grimmjow, who was not paying any attention to the foul-mouthed squirrel.

Before Grimmjow could comprehend what was happening, a projectile soared through the air heading straight for his furry ass. A wet plop echoed from inside the tunnel followed by Grimmjow's ferocious growl. Ichigo was dying with laughter.

Yamamoto the stoic gray elder was observing their interactions from up above in his secluded residence on the tallest branch of the Great Oak. A huge sigh spilled from his mouth.

Yamamoto watched the pair throughout the next two punishments which included cleaning birds' nests and cleaning human pee off trees. Each ended in a brawl. Now at the final task and with very little hope, Yamamoto watched, predicting that a fight would break among the pair once more.

This particular task was the most gruesome of all. The fragile bird, Grimmjow had carelessly killed still lay torn in broken in one small heap on the ground. Though it was entirely Grimmjow's fault for the bird's death, Ichigo was also forced to endure another round of cleaning duty.

The orange squirrel gingerly pulled at the bird's frame to see how heavy it was. There was no doubt that they would have to pool their strengths together to remove the carcass. The blue squirrel gestured to Ichigo with a lithe paw.

"Well, at least try to pick it up!"

"Shut the hell up! I can't pick it up by myself. It's too heavy!" Ichigo retorted.

"Well, what do you expect? It's fucking dead weight!"

The orange squirrel's jaw dropped at Grimmjow's audacity. _He doesn't know where to draw the line. _"Grimmjow! That's not funny at all!"

Grimmjow chuckled to himself, muttering, "I thought it was." Ichigo's furry brow twitched in annoyance, dropping the bird in the process. Grimmjow fell straight forward into the bird's gutted stomach.

"Have more respect for the dead you fucking prick!"

Grimmjow shot out of the bird's stomach gasping for air. He sputtered and choking trying to breathe. Surprisingly, the pair managed to clean up the carcass without throwing a single punch. Well, that was true until Grimmjow choose strike.

Ichigo barely had time to react to the sharp glare he was issued before Grimmjow yelled, "You're so dead, you fucking orange fuzzy ass!" Grimmjow launched himself over the dead bird, tackling Ichigo to the ground.

As the squirrels began to wrestle, Yamamoto was fuming. Both squirrels froze, sensing an ominous feeling in the air. They robotically turned and looked up at the Great Oak to see the elder Yamamoto staring down at them glaring harshly through his narrow eyes.

A deep roar resounded throughout the Squirrel Society. It could have only been the elder. What was said was loud enough to make out the words, "There is only so much stupidity I can take!"

The next thing either of the squirrels knew was cold, hard concrete and the incessant drops of rain pounding against their fur coats.

Hours passed by, and they were now standing in the middle of the rain on a concrete railing pushing at each other.

"This is all your fault! If you didn't kill that damn bird we would have never been here!" Ichigo shouted shoving Grimmjow hard in the chest. Grimmjow only snarled coming back thrusting his own paws at Ichigo's chest.

"If you actually stopped yelling at me once in a while, we would have been still in Squirrel Society!" Ichigo was going to choke the life out of Grimmjow this time, but stopped when they heard footsteps coming close to them. Both turned to see a blond headed human coming up the steps where they were.

"Shit! We can't go back out there, we'll drown!" Ichigo cursed, they were both under some patio umbrella but they were still getting soaked to the tail.

"Shush... Just act natural," Grimmjow hissed out now standing on his hind legs holding completely still like one of those animal water fountain statues. Ichigo stared dully at Grimmjow with a bland expression on his fuzzy features.

"Yeah, that's just so normal." Grimmjow growled to Ichigo's words and turned to him.

"Shut the hell up! How can we act normal! We're the only two squirrels with blue and orange fur!" Grimmjow shouted having his paws wave around making it seem more dramatic.

"What the hell?" They both heard. Now both Ichigo and Grimmjow were standing straight like a statue not even daring to bat an eye. A blonde human was now standing a few feet from them on the wet concrete steps that led to the glass doors of his home. The blonde, holding one of those plastic umbrellas, came nearer looking at the two of them closely. Ichigo's breath was caught in the back of his throat as the human stood now a mere foot from them.

"I could have sworn I just heard them talkin'. Hmm... Eh?" Grimmjow, taking a bold action, moved forward toward the human. Slowly he stood up leaning towards the blonde. The blonde, looking pleasantly surprised, lifted his free hand to the blue-furred squirrel. Grimmjow flinched as the large hand was now in front of him. The finger of the human pressed against his chin.

"I wonder if they are someone's pet. To not freak out like this...," The blonde murmured out. Now he was looking towards Ichigo who was biting down on his tongue. He moved forward as well coming up next to Grimmjow rising up to his level. The blonde grinned widely.

Grimmjow and Ichigo's eyes were fixed on the man's row of teeth. _Oh shit! We're so dead... _Both thought but it faded when the man's intimidating grin changed to a warm smile.

"Come with me. Let's get ya dried off, yeah?" Ichigo looked at Grimmjow just as Grimmjow did. Grimmjow grinned cockily; the sudden urge to hit Grimmjow came again. _Cocky, arrogant, obnoxious, bastard!_

Ichigo was about to carry out with the punch to Grimmjow, but stopped when Grimmjow ran up the man's hand onto his shoulder. Ichigo gaped a bit, along with the blonde, before copying Grimmjow. He rested on the shoulder Grimmjow didn't occupy. He fidgeted a bit before running to the other shoulder next to Grimmjow. Again that trademark grin came. It practically shouted, **Couldn't stay away from me**?

"Ha ha, okay then let's go," The blonde cheered out before going in the house. Hopefully they didn't just sign their death certificate.

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><p><strong>Las Conejeras<strong> _meaning:_ rabbit burrows

Hur hurrr *retarded laugh* Shinji! Wonder what is going to happen next. Hmm...well hell I don't know we haven't written anything yet haha.

Hope you guys enjoyed the first part. It took a little while to put together ha ha but it was still fun even if my buddy SapphE has a backspace problem ha ha but I love it and often tease her on it.

Anyway we would love to hear your thoughts on this. We have alot of ideas on this.


	2. Birthday Cake

**Disclaimer: **Bleach does not belong to us; however, we are entirely responsible for the cuteness overload.

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><p>Soft snoring filled the dimly lit room. A steaming blonde stood above two small creatures that slept happily on what should have been a birthday cake for the blonde's beloved sister whom lived in the apartment next door to him. The cake is what one would have called a masterpiece, but if you had to try and guess what it was now, you'd guess that it was a huge pile of shit. The brow on the blonde twitched a bit.<p>

"Hey wake the fuck up!" He cursed, hitting the counter, but the two creatures didn't move even an inch. The two creatures, he had so graciously taken in last night, were in seventh heaven sleeping and slobbering on the cake. The orange squirrel, cuddled up to the blue one, was practically making a lake on his friend's chest. Steam came off of the blonde's head when he saw the blue squirrel turn a bit and take a huge bite out of what was left of the cake, beginning to chew. In his sleep! Is it possible for a squirrel to eat in their sleep?

"Wake up!" Crashing and banging came from the small but comfortable apartment. A passerby stopped and stared with wide eyes. Back inside, the blonde huffed and puffed with anger practically seeping off of him. He used a variety of objects around him to wake up the two passed out squirrels. But nothing had worked, even after using a blow horn and a very loud boom box. Yes, a boom box. Call him old fashioned but he liked it. When no results came from the first two attempts, he took a more violent route.

Reaching out with a wide grin tugging at his lips, he grabbed the two squirrels and started to shake them.

"Oi, wake the fuck up you two rabid-cake-eaters!"

They didn't nudge one bit. In fact, the blue one let out a loud rumbling snore and cuddled up to the blonde's hand with what one would call a 'chuu' face going on. The orange one made a little noise before using the blonde's thumb as a pillow to cuddle up with. Another twitch went to the blonde's brow again. How in the hell could these two be this completely out of it? They're animals-_wild _animals. They should be easy to wake up! Well, maybe they weren't that wild if they were this comfortable eating some stranger's cake and sleeping through several wake up calls. The blonde sighed heavily, letting the two squirrels drop back into the cake again.

Time for the last option... It was a long shot, but it was worth it. The blonde disappeared into the back room; sounds of clattering as well as squeaking came out. He returned with a stuffed animal in one hand and a recorder in the other. The blonde looked at the two items for a moment and pursed his lips. Shrugging lightly, he lifted the stuffed animal to the two sleeping forms and hit the play button on the recorder. Squeaking noises came out of it as soon as the button was pressed. Instantly, the two shot up from their sleeping position, two furry heads stuck deeply into the cake. Both looked around like someone was dying. Their eyes landed on the stuffed animal.

"AH!" The two squirrels were nowhere to be seen. The blonde blinked widely and stared at where the two were.

"T-t-the hell, where did they go?" The blond turned, looking around the room. The squeaking noise still came from the recorder. The blonde hummed a bit, glancing back at the recorder then upward again. After he pushed the square stop button, the noise ceased. After a minute, two colorful furry heads popped up from behind the recliner.

"Hey, hey calm down it was just a recorder." The blonde waved the recorder in the air towards them. They shot back down into hiding. The blonde blinked widely before sighing heavily and walked over to the recliner. He crouched down, peering behind it to see the two colorful squirrels huddling together. Each trembling quietly. The blonde tilted his head with curiosity. The two were odd colored, that's for sure. He wondered if their owners dyed their fur color. It wouldn't be the first time someone did that to their animals. In fact there is a competition for that kind of thing. Kind of bizarre, but it's out there.

"Hey, little guys. You don't need to worry it was just a stuffed animal and a recorder," the blonde said gently while lifting the two items. The squirrels jumped a bit at the blonde's sudden appearance, but stopped to see what the human held. The blonde hit the play and stop button a few times on the recorder. They looked so fascinating by this. The blue-furred squirrel came up and grabbed the stuffed animal, which coincidentally was also a squirrel. The blonde gaped at the strength the blue-furred squirrel possessed, who just yanked that right out of his hand. Both squirrels were silent and observed the old, slightly beaten up stuffed squirrel. The blonde leaned forward further to see the blue furred squirrel's teeth peaking to form a wide grin.

What kind of squirrel smiles? It felt like he had been thrown into an animated cartoon where all the animals were grinning like humans and talking. Now, all the blonde needed was for them to start speaking and then he'd really feel like he was in the twilight zone. Suddenly the blue creature started to hit the wall with the stuffed squirrel like some rabid animal. Wait...is he rabid? The blonde's brow twitched when, at last, the eye on his stuffed squirrel popped off.

"Hey quit that! That's important to me, asshole!" He snapped, grabbing the stuffed toy away from the brute force of a squirrel. Sudden laughter filled the room. Slowly, the blonde's mouth fell.

"Ha ha ha ha!" Is that squirrel laughing?

"Grimmjow! That wasn't nice!" The blonde felt his life force drain from him. No way, he must have been imagining things. The squirrel didn't just speak. Or did it?

"Ha ha ha! It's fucking ugly. Even if it's a fake it should be put out of its misery!" The orange- furred squirrel started to shake a bit with repressed anger before launching forward and smacking his friend.

"Grimmjow, you asshole. Learn some respect for other's property!" The blonde felt his face fall into a dull expression. Is he still sleeping? And what did that squirrel mean by respect? He's the one who destroyed his beloved 200 dollar cake. The evidence is all over their fur. They were both covered with butter cream vanilla icing, chunks of vanilla cake with those sprinkles inside, and a multitude of toppings consisting of: strawberries, raspberries, blue berries, and a twist of lemon. The cake was in the shape of a fruit bowl. It was a masterpiece, and they destroyed it...in their _sleep..._

"Ah? Screw that! That's what the bastard gets for waking us up like that!" The blonde had to be seeing and hearing things. Yes, he had to. The blonde slowly moved away and went into the bathroom, connected to his bedroom which was through the first door on the right when you entered the hallway. Now, in the bathroom, he stared at his reflection in the mirror for a moment before pulling it open to reveal some drugs.

"Is my new prescription giving me some freaky side effects or illusions?" He questioned, holding up the pain medication to treat the headaches he received every now and then. It was just some regular pain medication that his doctor recommended. The squirrels suddenly started to yell very loudly. He looked back toward the door then to the medication in his hand. Ah, he must be dreaming! That's it! Then this whole cake nightmare and the dilemma with the speaking squirrels would just vanish. Now, it was time wake up already. God, he hated lifelike dreams. It fucks him up big time. He only had to do what he usually did with this type of dream. He grinned before swinging his arms back and forth and leaned forward. He crashed right into a tiled wall.

"GAK!" The blonde slid down the wall, groaning as a major wave of pain spread across his body.

"Ow, ow ow, ow eeh!" Wait, he wasn't dreaming? Forget that! His head hurt like a bitch!

"Eeh," he whimpered. He grabbed the medicine that had fallen onto the floor when he had stupidly lunged towards the off-white tiled wall of the bathroom. Popping a few pills out, he shot them into his mouth like they were the sweetest things in the world. He crouched onto his knees and slowly made his way to the sink. A few minutes passed, and the blonde was lying on the floor while resting his head against the cool tiles.

This wasn't a dream then? He wondered. Were they talking? And he wasn't delusional? That meant that they were talking and fighting in his living room right now? He jumped up from the tiled floor and ran out, whipping around the corner of his bedroom and into the hallway. He grabbed the corner and pulled himself forward, immediately stopping to see the two tackling each other. Each squirrel was trying to stab the other with a fondue fork that had been in a drawer, a drawer that was now wide open.

"At least, I don't have dirt for brains, you stupid blue nut wad!" The orange furred snapped aiming the fork straight for the blue squirrel's gut. He dodged barely. You could see the blue brows pinched together tightly in concentration. The blonde pointed at them now gaping. The squirrels were fencing. Squirrels... Fencing... Squirrels + Fencing = Fucking impossible, right? Is he going nuts?

"I wouldn't be so sure about that Ichigo. Just look at your father. You might take after that nut case anytime now," the blue squirrel said to his companion apparently named Ichigo. The blue- furred squirrel said it smoothly, tauntingly. Shinji knew it. He was definitely going insane. He walked to the two squirrels who were about to tear each other's tiny hearts out with a fondue knife, or a pitch fork in their case. They froze immediately when they saw the blonde. The blue squirrel leaned back so far he was using a paw to keep himself from falling over. His fondue fork held up against the orange's. As for Ichigo, he was holding off the other with his free paw gripping the blue-furred squirrel's throat. Both looked towards Shinji with wide, open mouths and huge, surprised eyes.

"Great. Now they are doing poses...it's like watching one of those old motion picture movies," the blonde dully said, poking his head where he had slammed it before just to make sure it still hurt. With a poke, he hissed and yanked away. Yes, this was happening!

"Oi. What the fuck is a motion picture?" Grimmjow whispered, and Ichigo seemed to shrug.

"Beats me. Humans are so crafty. Wait, you don't think by motion picture he meant that he wants to eat us, do you?" Ichigo squeaked out, dropping the fondue fork instantly. Grimmjow pointed at the fork then to the blonde, who stared at them like he had just been thrown into the Looney Toons. Maybe he should have gone to the therapist Hiyori told him to go to. Note to self: call therapist later.

"Get your act together, Shinji. They aren't actually talking. Yay, squirrels don't talk. Snap out of it." The two squirrels watched the human tap his cheeks lightly and grin to himself. They leaned towards each other and lifted a paw to block their mouths.

"This one's insane," Grimmjow whispered. Ichigo nodded before glaring at his best friend.

"You always seem to pick the nutty ones." Grimmjow grinned widely, but it fell when he looked back at the blonde who was laughing nervously to himself. He was still tapping his cheeks, each time hitting a little bit harder.

"Hey, why do you think he's doing that?" Ichigo shrugged, moving more behind Grimmjow. He wasn't a coward. No, he was just intimidated...okay so maybe he was cowardly. But each squirrel has their moments! The blond finally stopped hitting his cheeks. His fingers were tightly pressed to his now pink skin. Big, brown eyes stared down at the squirrels. Ichigo swallowed thickly. Grimmjow unconsciously moved further in front of his orange-furred friend with the metal stick stretched up further toward the deranged human.

"I'm doing it because I think I'm going insane." Ichigo and Grimmjow felt their breath hit the back of their throats. The blonde human didn't just answer Grimmjow's question, did he?

"D-did that human just speak to us?" Grimmjow asked. He felt Ichigo's nod against his shoulder. A shudder went up and down both of their spines.

"AH!" Screams echoed from in the apartment and out to the outside world. Someone pounded at the door, but no one heard. Ichigo and Grimmjow pressed themselves against the wall screaming their lungs out. Their eyes watched the blonde as he while staring at the blond who was pressed with his back against the kitchen counter screaming back at them in fright.

"Shinji, what the hell is going on in there?" The pounding at the door escalated. Shinji quickly placed a hand over the muzzles of the pair.

"Shut up!" He snapped at them. They both did so without thinking.

"N-Nothing!" As the door began opening, he rushed forward to the entrance and slammed into the wood frame, effectively closing it.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Shinji?"

"Please come back later! I'm busy!" Shinji felt the door hit his forehead as the blonde girl on the opposite end kicked the door in. Pain shot through his forehead, but it went ignored.

"Bull shit! What the hell's going on, you stupid monkey?"

"Shinji's not home now. Please leave a message!" Shinji sang in his machine recorded tone.

"What? How stupid do you think I am?" Another slam and the wood was creaking in protest to the harsh blows.

"What do you want?"

"My cake, you dumbass! Everyone's getting ready for the party downstairs. You're almost an hour late!" Shinji groaned, locking the door as quickly as he could.

"I-I'll be down in a moment, please leave!" He heard her tsk and then the faint sound of dissipating footsteps. Shinji leaned against the door for a moment before flipping over. His hands pressed against the door as if he was doing some sort of airplane-like motion. His eyes were as wide as they could be and his mouth fell open to show rows of teeth that appeared deadly to a mere squirrel. The two squirrels were pretty much in the same position against a wall, mouths closed. Silence filled the room.

_Do you think I could get that therapist on the phone immediately?_

Ichigo and Grimmjow couldn't move. The possibility of that strange human actually being able to understand them was a one in nothing chance! Shinji came forward very slowly. So slow, even a snail could beat him. He tripped over the carpet that was in the middle of the room, held down by a coffee table and a sofa. Shinji came to a crawl while glancing up at the squirrels with his epically wide, comical eyes. His head came above the wooden stand that held many disturbing things. Ichigo found himself moving toward the blonde that had risen a bit further above their height.

"S-Shinji?" Ichigo asked, Shinji felt a cold chill go down his spine. They were able to understand him. And he was able to understand them...God, this wasn't supposed to be happening. He had to call Urahara as soon as possible.

"I-Ichigo?" The blonde whispered with a slight stutter. Not soon after this familiar sound filled the room...

"Ah!"

"Oh, would you both shut the fuck up?" Grimmjow snapped at the two of them. Silence filled the room once more.

"How in the blazing nut balls, can he understand us?" Ichigo snapped, feeling _very_ confused Grimmjow growled and pushed Ichigo away from him.

"How the hell should I know? Do I look like I'm that freak Mayuri? I think not!" Grimmjow growled out practically stabbing his paw at Ichigo's forehead repeatedly. Ichigo grabbed it and started to bend it making Grimmjow squeak painfully.

"You two hush! Or whatever..." The two looked over at Shinji, who was now standing at his full height. He rubbed the back of his head like he was trying to soothe something.

"Shut it, Blondie. Can't you see we're having a serious discussion here?" Shinji deadpanned, irritated that he was being told off by a squirrel, a blue squirrel. Ichigo was trying to break his friend's paw, and Grimmjow was stabbing his forehead repeatedly with both paws now. Where's the seriousness in that? If you walked into a room and saw two squirrels having a serious 'discussion' what would you do? Hmm, Shinji wondered where he put his video camera...

He shook his head at the thought and waved his hands repeatedly.

"Just shut up. Back to reality-"

"So far from that," Ichigo grumbled under his breath dropping his paw from Grimmjow's, both crossing their arms over their chests.

"You two are hopeless!"

"Wow, he's only known us for a good ten minutes and he can already tell. We must be really bad Ichigo." Grimmjow chuckled. Ichigo heaved out a sigh, ready to just to end Grimmjow's misery. But he was too exhausted to try and kill him...again. Rounds won for Ichigo: 140; Grimmjow: 539. Ichigo's brow twitched. He'd lost so many times to his friend.

"Look, you two ate my sister's birthday cake. What are you going to do about that? That was going to be her present from me!" The two looked at Shinji like he was some alien from an extraterrestrial planet.

"We're squirrels. We can't do anything about it. It's your own fault for leaving it out buddy," Ichigo said, waving a paw idly when explaining it. Grimmjow grinned and leaned on Ichigo using him for support.

"It was good, by the way."

"I'm going to kill you both!" After much fighting in trying to catch two athletic, speedy squirrels, Shinji gave up.

"Fine, but you two are going to have to help me find her another cake. Without eating it!" Grimmjow scoffed a bit. Both were on the blonde's shoulder again, traveling with Shinji to another part of the house. Ichigo took this time to admire the spaciousness of the home. Maybe they could stay forever? This was much a better place than the Squirrel Society, but he would like to see his family once again. That's for sure. Yuzu and Karin must be worried. Along with his goat faced father. He didn't know why his father resembled a goat more than a squirrel. It was the goatee. It had to be.

"You two need to get cleaned up. You ain't leaving this place until you do." Both squirrels' shoulders sagged.

"That's bullshit!" Grimmjow whined, and Shinji rolled his eyes.

"Kids..."

He plugged up the sink and started the water. Ichigo and Grimmjow glared at the liquid substance before looking at each other. Baths...they hated baths. For one reason and one reason alone... Ichigo's fraternal twin brother, Shiro made a habit of doing strange things to their bathing water. Scary things... Slowly, they eased down into the lukewarm water, dipping in. Shinji grinned. They weren't that bad when they weren't fighting or trying to stab him with fondue utensils. Which reminded him... He'd have to find every sharp object around the house and hide them. Hmm... He'd have to hide his sword. But was it really possible for them to attack him with an object that weighed more than both of them combined? Shinji felt doom slowly push upon him. Well, you can never be too safe.

An image popped up in his head of him being impaled in his sleep by squirrels chuckling evilly while holding a sharp sword. He would make sure that he hid anything with a pointy edge. But, damn, he couldn't move the kitchen counters. Maybe he could sand the edges down to make them smoother. While Shinji pondered about the sharp objects in his house, both Ichigo and Grimmjow were watching him, wondering what the fuck was going on in his head. One moment his face was all dreadful looking like someone just killed his cat, but then the next was like someone was chasing him with a pit-bull. And those walking meat sticks were as scary as Chihuahua ears. Have you seen the size of those things? They are more than half of a squirrel's size.

"Um, Human-san, are you alright?" Ichigo asked, narrowing his eyes and looking at Shinji with worry. The blonde snapped out of it and looked down at them.

"Ah, yeah. Sorry about that." He leaned over, shutting off the water before running off to the other side of the bathroom. He turned a bigger handle, which let water start to flow out. To a squirrel, it might have looked like it was raining.

"Whoa...when did it start to rain?" Grimmjow asked, but Ichigo just stared in awe. The awe on both of their faces soon turned into a horrified look as the blonde - Shinji- started to pull off his clothing.

"W-What the hell do you think you're doing?" Ichigo shouted, making Shinji jump a bit. He turned, raising the last of his three shirts above his head.

"Taking a shower... What does it look like? Ah, don't tell me you two have never seen a guy naked before," Shinji sang teasingly. Both squirrels growled.

"Like we care!" Grimmjow sank into the warm water. Steam came up from the water. You could see the fur on Grimmjow's cheeks puffing out as well as the rest of his furry head.

"Ha ha ha! He's so shy! Eh?" Shinji cocked up a slick blonde brow to Ichigo who just stared with wide, honey brown eyes.

"Like what you see berry?" Ichigo snapped back and dived into the sink water instantly. Laughter rumbled throughout the bathroom. Shinji pealed out of the rest of his clothing, not hearing Ichigo and Grimmjow pop out of the water gasping for air. The glass door closed behind Shinji, who sighed as the hot water pressed against his back, relieving all the tension from his muscles.

"This is going to be a long day," he whispered before drenching his head in the water. Ichigo and Grimmjow sat next to each other in the porcelain sink and glared at the faucet that dripping down water every few seconds.

"Humans look even worse naked," Ichigo whispered, and Grimmjow nodded in agreement.

"And did you see his nuts? I mean, I have big _wahongas _but those are the size of my bed back at Squirrel Society!" A loud hush issued from Grimmjow was muffled by the sounds of the rain in that weird box Shinji had disappeared into.

"And his belly was all bumpy. I wonder if that means he's fat? He seems pretty thin for a human," Ichigo replied trying to erase the image of a naked Shinji out of his head. Both had seen the human fully naked and now their minds were scarred forever.

"It has to be fat. Maybe, he should go on a nut protein diet?" Grimmjow offered, rubbing some frosting out of his fur.

"No! If he goes on the nut protein diet, he'd probably end up looking like old squirrel Yamamoto." Both of their fuzzy faces fell into a fine line.

"That mean old bird turd..."

"Hey! I can hear ya, you know. And I ain't fat!" Both shrunk down even farther into the water feeling their ears twitch because they had been caught.

"His butt is kinda weird shaped too," Grimmjow whispered quietly.

"I HEARD THAT TOO, DUMBASS!" Shinji slammed his fist against the wall, startling both squirrels. Both of them looked up to see Shinji leaning out of the rain box and glaring at them both.

"Well, I'm right. It looks really stupid. And shouldn't you have more fur on that ass? You look like a shaved poodle. Especially with those white bubbles on your head..." Shinji's brow twitched at Grimmjow's words. Ichigo cocked his head to the side.

"He's right." Shinji's hair reached his neck with bubbles following all the way up to the top of his head like floppy poodle ears. Shinji held in a roar and sighed before closing the door to his rain box. His outline was visible through the glass. Humans come up with strange things. It was like a window, but not. A few minutes passed, and suddenly this horrible noise filled the bathroom. It was like a screeching noise, like fingernails on a chalkboard. Both squirrels scanned the room for the source of that god awful sound. It made Ichigo's tail twitch in annoyance. It was like one of those stupid squawking birds.

"I feel so untouched and I want you so much!" Some words came from Shinji's mouth. Grimmjow clamped his paws over his ears and groaned.

"God, my ears... I think they're bleeding." Ichigo winced at higher pitch.

"And I just can't resist you; it's not enough to say that I miss you." Ichigo's face scrunched together as he tried to ignore the sounds coming from their human friend. That single phrase was repeating...

"I feel so untouched and I want you so much..."

"God, it's no wonder he feels so unwanted. Just listen to this. It's death with words!" The horrible squawking suddenly stopped.

"Hey guys, what if I sang for Hiyori at her birthday?" Shinji asked, popping open the glass door to look at the squirrels, with an aura of brightness around him. He looked like he just made up the best idea in the world. Both Ichigo and Grimmjow's paws shot forward toward Shinji.

"No! You'll kill her!" Grimmjow and Ichigo yelled in sync. A scowl appeared on Shinji's face then faded.

"You two are so mean," he said before sinking back into his shower and closing the glass door. Ichigo and Grimmjow sighed heavily and sank into the water. While lying there, the two glanced at each other helplessly.

_God help us survive._

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading the second installment of ANS. Thanks to Rin, who wrote the majority of this chapter, while I edited. Please let us know what you think about this story so far. It would be very much appreciated. Until next time! <strong>_  
><em>


	3. Butcher

**Disclaimer: all the cuteness is entirely our fault. Kubo owns Bleach, etc.  
><strong>

**Warnings: porn reference XD **

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><p>Clicking sounds filled my ears, making them twitch. Wondering what the hell it was, I rolled over onto my side and started smacking something around to make it stop. I thought that it was some woodpecker up way too early to start plucking the hell out of a tree. And I ended up smacking something warm and soft. My eyes snapped open at the growl that followed it. I looked dreadfully to the side to see azure eyes glaring sharply at me. My paw rested firmly on the side of Grimmjow's cheek, which made his once fluffy cheek look like it was being pushed down by a twenty-pound log or, perhaps, even Shiro's butt. Yes, we've woken up to albino butt before, and let me tell you, it isn't so pleasant smelling.<p>

"Ichigo, what the hell are you doing?" His deep growl came out, making me wince a bit before I gave a glare back. I pulled on a whisker and smirked a bit.

"Wiskacure?" I asked with an innocent grin before yanking a fine white whisker right out. He hissed, shooting up from the spot on Shinji's bed where we dominated last night. There was no way in hell that the blonde was going to take the main bed after what he did to us. I pushed the thought away immediately when I saw Grimmjow lunging for me.

"Asshole!" I ducked beneath him, having him fly over me and land on some of the soft material of Shinji's bed.

"You deserved it!" He growled a little again before lunging once more. Rolling over on the bedding, he hissed, stabbing his claws in the bed as he went along chasing me down.

"ACK!" I felt air fluttering through the fur on my back. My body moved on its own, twisting till I faced the floor. Landing fluidly like a cat, I sprung instantly away, hearing him closing in.

"Get back here Ichigo, it's time to give you a wiskacure, you small furry little pip squeak!" I ran out into the place that was called the living room, dodging his rapid paw attacks. Sliding across the red oak floor on the soft pads of my paws, I felt arms wrap around my waist. Air caught in the back of my throat as I was sent tumbling down to the shiny wood. On a side note, I thought this was the wood from my old home. I swear that the I.K. that was barely carved into one strip of wood was my initials. The cold flooring smacked against my body harshly, but the blow was softened by the fur that covered me.

"Ah ha, got you, you slippery bastard," he snapped, having a hand full of whiskers from each side of my face and making my lip pull upward.

"Ow, ow, Grimmjow, stop it!" I snapped out going in the direction his pull, seeing him grin evilly now that I was leaning back so far I could feel the beginning of my fluffy orange tail.

"Wow, Ichigo! Who knew you were so flexible?" The teasing tone was almost sung by Grimmjow. I shivered a bit when his eyes slid up and down the curve of my body.

"Damn it, Grimmjow. Quit staring at me like that!" He chuckled darkly and leaned in further, as I tried to escape his grip even more than before. He yanked harder on the coarse whiskers, making me wince and suck in a sharp breath. I stopped struggling.

"Like what, Ichigo? Don't like me raping you with my eyes?" I tried to glare at him the best I could in my position, but, with his furry foot shoved into my back and his bear-like grip, it was difficult to do anything but snarl.

"I don't like anything involving you and the word rape together. Let go, damn it!" He laughed and finally let go, relieving some pain that gathered from his whisker pulling. I groaned lightly rubbing my cheeks up and down to get that tingly feeling to fade away. He shuffled around. Slight _hmph_ sounds was heard.

"Hey, where is that human?" he asked. I grumbled a bit before standing on my feet, stretching out my spine from the crunched up position that Grimmjow had contorted it into.

"His name is Shinji, not human. Get it right, Grimmjow." He shrugged not caring. But I soon joined him in looking around the house. The human had left us here last night to be with his so-called sister for her birthday… whatever that was. The way he put it reminded me of Happy Chappy Day, where squirrel-kind celebrate everyone's birth once a year all at once. Since you know, half of us are run over by a motorcycle, car, maybe even eaten by a dog. So, not everyone is there for their birthday the next year. Rest in peace, Lieutenant Omaeda for he was too fat to get away. Input sad sigh here. I sighed heavily at the thought, pushing it away when Grimmjow suddenly stopped.

"What is it?"

"The blonde isn't here."

"Shinji, where do you think he is?" I corrected again, leaning in behind Grimmjow and feeling very wary of being alone in this big place. Well not exactly alone, Grimmjow is here, but he doesn't exactly count. Looking around once more, he shrugged then moved forward again. Rushing up behind him, I followed him to the wooden door that towered high above us.

"Grimmjow, what are you thinking of doing?" I asked, watching him size up how far away we were from the nice, shiny, and very alluring door handle. We stood on this stupid wooden floor that might have once been part of my past home that was cut down. Them bastards! If you're wondering what they put in place of my home, it's now a very nice dog park, filled with big-teethed canines, huge piles of shit, that us squirrels could swim in if it weren't so thick, and humans galore!

"Just hold still and you'll see."

"Grimmj-AGH! Ouch, damn you Grimmjow!" I snapped because he had put his foot on my head, boosting himself up to reach the door handle. I silently wished he had missed it and fell on his ass so hard, he wouldn't be able to walk correctly for at least two weeks… okay maybe just a week. _Fall, fall, fall and break your chestnuts!_ I tried to damn him to squirrel hell as he twisted the shiny knob, trying to pop the wooden door open.

"See? Am I a genius or what?" He hopped down, grinning smugly at me and showing off his abnormally sharp teeth. I was about to pluck one out and shove it up his ass for using me as a stepping log!

"You're as smart as a can of tuna fish," I growled darkly at him. He brushed the fur on his chest for a moment before giving me a narrow-eyed look.

"Then, I'm the smartest fish around. Come on, fuzz bucket. Let's go look for Blondie." I mimicked his words under my breath before following him out of Shinji's house. He had a very scary body when stripped of all his "clothing." _So naked…so, so naked!_

We heard a little noise from the door as it was opened. Stopping, Grimmjow looked at it for a moment. Then he glanced at me before walking up toward the door.

"Do you think he's in there?" We walked over to the door, pressing an ear against the wood to try to hear the source of the noise behind it. A light scratching was heard against the door from inside. Before I knew it, my face was shoved into the rough carpet of the hall floor and a soft, padded foot pressed into my head.

"Mph!" I struggled to breathe. A hard shove from a paw, and the crushing pressure was alleviated. Shooting up from the hard carpet, I was still struggling to breathe. I felt a pulsing vein begin to throb in my forehead. My feet leaped towards the door handle Grimmjow dangled from. I hopped along trying to reach him.

"Get down here! I have to squish your fuzzy little head!"

"This fuzzy little head is opening a door. I don't see why you're so upset. We finally put that useless, big head of yours to use." Why that blue baboon-like bastard! I growled, feeling as if steam was evaporating from my head, while Grimmjow dangled from the door handle. While I watched his ass just hanging there, wishing death upon him in many, very numerous ways. Another click was heard, and I watched the door pop open a bit. He let go and landed on my head again.

"Grimmjow!"

"Shh, idiot. We don't want to cause a ruckus in someone else's home."

"You're not one to talk. Why the hell did you land on my head?" He shrugged and looked at me with dull azure eyes.

"Because it was there." He entered the house just as I tried to grab his neck to choke the sinned life that God had given him right out of him. Trust me; if I did that, it'd do him some good.

"Are you coming or what? When did you become so much like your cousin Kon?"

"I am not that cowardly!" I snapped and walked passed him with my paws balled at my sides. I missed the small smirk he shot me before he followed in behind me. Looking around a bit, this house seemed to be a lot like Shinji's home except a lot dirtier. We peered around corners, searching for the familiar head of blonde. But no human was to be found; on the other hand, we did find some other life form currently crouched down in front of the both of us, growling.

I watched in horror as a sharp tooth, the size of my arm, almost dripped me with saliva.

"Don't move," Grimmjow whispered.

"We should run," I whispered at him, slowly inching back away from the collie. The tag that hung from its neck said "Butcher." The name sent a tremor of fear spiking down my spine.

"I know. I have a plan. You stay here and make faces at him, since you know your faces are so stupid. They could distract Shiro for at least five minutes. I'll go get the blonde guy." Hearing the quick pattering of his feet echoing behind me, I nodded, staring hard at the dark brown eyes of Butcher.

"Right... Great idea... Hey, wait a minute!" I spun on the heels of my padded feet and shot after Mr. blue-butt disappearing around a corner.

"Grimmjow, you pinecone-back stabbing, pine nut-pea brain!" I heared his laughter ahead of me. Something rumbling came from behind me. Looking back, I saw huge teeth closing down around me.

"Ah!"

"Ichigo?" As Grimmjow came around the corner, he saw me latched onto Butchers nose being shaken around like a rag doll. A clawed paw came up and pushed on my cheek, trying to push me off. Growling a bit, I bit down on the firm pad of the dog's paw. A yip echoed throughout the room. I was sent flying across the narrow hall. Before my body hit the hard wood floor arms wrapped around me and caught me. It wasn't long before I was being dragged by the skin of my neck towards the door. Choking, I reached up, grabbing the blue paw and trying to get him to release me.

"G-Grimmjow I can't breathe," I choked out, feeling my head grow lighter by the second.

"Shut up and get on your feet!" I struggled to regain balance as Grimmjow ran away from the jagged rows of death chasing us and knocking random objects over: a lamp, a nightstand, and, also, a cute, stuffed green animal that looked like a grasshopper.

"Ah!"

I glanced up to see what Grimmjow was squeaking about. I felt my gut that had dropped to my stomach now drop down even further down to my feet when a feline suddenly appeared in front of us. It seemed like it had a set destination somewhere far away from us, but it looked like it had changed its course, heading straight for our startled bodies with an evil glint shining in its bright green eyes. I stared ahead as a paralyzing fear swarmed throughout my entire body.

Both of the savage animals charged our way. They looked left and right before sliding their ferocious gazes toward each other. It was almost as if read each other's minds because, at that moment, we both darted in the opposite direction of the savages.

Hearing them collide with a sharp yelp and a hiss, we turned back to see their bodies tangled together-or, well, the cat being squished by the oversized collie. Grimmjow and I grinned a little, but soon stopped when both monsters got up and glared at us. Wait a minute... Aren't dogs supposed to chase cats? Not squirrels! Cats!

"Ah!"

I dashed out of the home of another human, probably someone else, who may look very scary naked. We ran down the hall with hissing and barking chasing after us. I whipped around the corner, climbing up the wooden banister and running down it. The cat was on it right behind us. I leapt off of the banister, onto a plush surface, and then, finally, onto the floor. The animals were not too far behind. Breathing heavily, we whipped into another room hoping for no more animals. Spotting a big black bush, I turned my head towards Grimmjow and gestured toward the bush.

"Aim for the black bush!"

"Way ahead of you!" I took the lead. If it wasn't strength I had, it was speed. And I could beat Grimmjow anytime in a race. If he doesn't cheat that is, but he usually keeps it clean. Lunging towards the bush, I plunged deep inside the soft, dark depths. I felt Grimmjow come in behind me. We clung onto the bush bristles feeling the cat landing on top of us. Almost immediately, the cat's weight vanished.

"What the hell, Kensei? Get your dog away from me! What the hell is in my hair?"

"Hachi, tame your cat, will you?" A smooth voice came. Both voices were male. The bush moved. We clung tighter to the bush as two large hands grabbed onto Grimmjow and me. Hissing, I bit the large finger in an attempt to make it release us. But it proved to be futile. Finally the hands were unable to hold on any longer, and we popped out of the black bush to become face-to-face with a human. Instead of a black bush, the human sported a huge head of hair.

"Squirrels."

"Ichigo? Grimmjow?" Both of us turned our heads away from the enormous nosed male, with a freaky bush for hair, to glance towards the familiar voice. There stood Shinji, in all his glory, staring at us weirdly.

"Dumbass!" Grimmjow cheered at the beginning, but it fell silent when our eyes met something else entirely. A screen showed something extremely scary, and awfully naked.

"Ah, yes! Yes, harder! Mmh!"

"Agh, my eyes!" I snapped, paws clutching at my face to hide my eyes away from the very offending screen. I heard a slight hum from Grimmjow.

"When can we do that?" I heard him asking, making a vein twitch in my arm uncontrollably. Before I knew it, I was smacking him as best as I could while still being trapped by the bushy-haired man's hands.

"Never, would I ever do that with you! Get that out of your head, you rotten nut!"

"Holy shit! They talk!" I heard someone say, looking up. The bush-head stared at us wide-eyed before dropping us. We landed on the floor, only waiting a second before running towards the blonde. On the way, I wished the dog would come back and eat Grimmjow whole. Well, maybe not whole. At least leave his tail behind, and then slurp it up like a bird does a worm. Digging our claws into the cloth on Shinji's leg, we climbed up. Crawling under his shirt, we felt him move around and smack random parts on his shirt.

"Ha ha! Stop that t-tickles!" Popping out from underneath the collar of his shirt, my ears twitched on high alert along with my tail.

"Ha ha! Nice ears Shinji!" Shinji's hands came up to touch where his ears would apparently be, only to pat Grimmjow's body and my tail. He grabbed them and pulled us of, dangling us in front of his face.

"Why did you two let Butcher out?"

"We were looking for your scary-naked ass!" We both snapped impatiently.

"What am I supposed to do? Leave you a note? Hey, I'm gone watching a movie-"

"Humans having sex," Grimmjow corrected, but Shinji seemed to shove his correction aside.

"Movie. Don't worry. I'm not your father. Go back to the forest where you belong." I frowned at that, averting my gaze to the side.

"We can't," Grimmjow grumbled. I heard him grit his teeth slightly as he was thinking of the reason why we couldn't go back to our beloved home.

"Why not?"

"Because we were exiled. That's why," I snapped at Shinji making him blink slightly.

"Why were you exiled?" He asked. I gestured a paw toward Grimmjow. The both of us still hung upside down by our tails, but we didn't pay any mind to it.

"Because dumb-nut over there wouldn't stop killing birds during our sparring matches and drug me down with him." I felt the icy blue eyes trying to set me aflame. I gratefully returned the glare.

"That's a lie! We wouldn't be here if you could have just not argued with me for even five minutes."

"You're the one who started all of the fights!"

"That's rabbit shit!" We didn't see the human heads go right to left every time each of us spoke.

"Bull! You have to argue with me from when I wake up to when I got to bed! You're always there. I don't get a moment of peace because you're always up my ass!" I growled, balling my paws at my sides

"If you hated my company so much you wouldn't have let me stay around. So apparently, you don't really care if I give your pathetic life some company! And I've wanted up your ass since the day we were born!"

"Correction, I was born 16 days before you were. And those were the best sixteen days of my life!"

"Then why don't you just tell me to go away then?"

"I do, but you never listen!"

"Well, you never mean it!"

"Fine, leave me the hell alone and go die in a mud hole!"

"Why don't you go back to the dog and have him bite off your-"

"Guys chill!" Shinji yelled, cutting off Grimmjow's last words. We huffed, looking away from each other. Thirty minutes later, we were back in Shinji's house, sitting on a side table. Our backs were facing each other as we still ignoring each other's presence. Shinji was sitting in front of the side table on a chair, staring dully at us for a moment before dropping his head with a heavy sigh.

"This is going to be a long day."

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><p><strong>AN: Rinlune wrote this chapter while I edited it. There is another chapter coming real soon, as soon as I can get it edited and ready to go. Thanks guys, for sticking around to read our story and leaving nice reviews. Take care!**


	4. Humans and Nuts

Shinji will admit he had a little dilemma going on in his life. He took in a pair of squirrels with unusually bright colored fur and thought, "Hey! These two may belong to someone. Maybe I can get a reward if their poster shows up with their picture on it!"

So...he had high hopes that a little dough would come his way and fill up his embarrassingly empty wallet. But now he would pay anyone to take them away from him. They were attached to him or something, parasitic almost, but he didn't blame them since it seemed they had nowhere else to go. He opened up his arms like a hole in a tree to shelter these poor creatures. This was their home now even if he was hesitant to continue letting them stay. He didn't know if his sanity could handle any more of this furry chaos.

And who knew they would be able to talk to him! Of course it surprised him at first, but for some reason it made absolute sense. There was no time to go into that as a clouded aura of destruction and uncomfortable vibrations graced that very house hold. Even to a human, the vast amount of destruction the squirrels had caused was appalling. And they were dangerous animals.

-**Shinji**-

I held in a shiver internally as I boiled a pot of water on the stove. An open box of uncooked macaroni noodles and a packet of stir-in cheese sauce lay adjacent on the pristine counter-top beside the stove. My honey brown eyes drifted to the side where the two squirrels sat not a foot away from each other like the person-I mean-the squirrel wasn't even there; however, if they were really ignoring each other's presence fully, they wouldn't be acting like this. That's for sure.

"So, did you guys want some nuts to eat? Maybe some acorns, walnuts, chestnuts, corn nuts, Brazilian nuts, pecans, cashews, almonds, pistachios –"

"Shut up!" They both snapped. Holding in yet another sigh, I turned to them to study the duo. Even though they seemed to hate each other's guts right now-wishing death upon each other with a spatula-they seemed to be perfectly synced. It really was quite something. They spoke at exactly the right moment, moving at the same time, even looking at each other at the same time. A rare, undocumented, occurrence of squirrel telepathy perhaps?

"So, did you want anything or not?"

"No." See? Again! They were both in sync. The two seemed to take notice and glared before turning their heads forward, noses stuck high into the air. I have to admit though, a little part of me found this somewhat adorable. Two squirrels with their noses high in the air, their little arms crossed over their puffy chests and everything. It was just so_ cute_.

"Why don't you two kiss and make up?" I questioned, leaning on the counter and receiving rather nasty glares from them both. Mainly from Ichigo, who hopped off of the side table he was previously standing on and marched off into the bedroom. I examined Grimmjow as he watched his lifelong friend sulk off into the room, his glare softened and his once crossed arms fell like spaghetti to his side.

"So, do you want a nut?" I offered up an almond that I had placed out for them just in case they felt the need to eat anymore of my precious food. He looked up at me, and you could see some of the sadness in those big ol' eyes. Man, these little guys were cute. He came over and hopped up on the counter taking the almond from me and started to munch on it quietly. I resisted the urge to let out a girly, **"Daww that's so cute."**I didn't need to make their mood worse that's for sure. An idea popped up in mind. Turning, I popped open the macaroni box and poured the contents in after taking out the cheesy package. Then I went to the phone pressing it up to my ear after dialing the buttons to a phone number I knew by heart.

"Hello?" A soft voice answered from the other side of the receiver. I grinned slightly when I got a suspicious look from the blue squirrel that had a mouth full of nuts at the moment. Apparently he had decided to indulge in my hospitality after all. I felt a slight twinge of anger form in the back of my mind when I remembered the first words he told me when he saw me today. _ Dumbass._I shouldn't even try to help that asshole, but I don't want two sulking squirrels, that refuse to leave my apartment, to stink up my breathing space with their melodramatic squirrel depression. I'm not a therapist and I'm especially not some squirrel whisperer. I can see it now, me sitting in a cool, black leather chair while the fur balls pursued each other in an endless chase around the room. My collected voice asking, while on my lap lay a notepad scribbled with the disastrous observations of my clients,

**And how does that make you feel?**

Yes, almost picture perfect.

"Hello?" The voice brought me back, shaking the thoughts away. I turned to the window nearby trying to ignore the gaze that was trying to eat through my skull to see the pale innards of my brain.

"The duo may want some help. Maybe you can ask them if they want to take the drink." I knew I caught his attention immediately when that tumbled off of my thin lips, which soon stretched into a wide grin when his voice rang in my ear.

"I'll be right over." Hanging up with a shit-eating smile, I made my way back to the boiling pot of macaroni. All the while, the blue squirrel dared to raise his furry brow at me.

"What was that all about?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full. You're spewing nuts all over my counter," I dully put, trying not to chuckle at what exactly Rose was coming over here to tell the duo. He shrugged nonchalantly and spewed more nutty bits. I had a strong urge to pour the hot pot of noodles over his head, but I just hummed a bit until a knock and the clicking of the handle reverberated from the front doorway.

"Shinji, I'm here."

"I'm in tha' kitchen. Pain in the ass Number One is here as well. As for Number Two, he's in the bedroom sulking."

"What did you just call me?"

"Hey watch it! I told you to chew with your mouth closed. That's nasty man," I growled at Grimmjow, but he didn't seem to care about the cheek-full of nuts he just let fall onto the counter. Would it be illegal to "accidentally" step on a squirrel? I erased that thought as soon as Rose walked in with a small smile on his face, slightly amused by the interaction between us.

"Can you have your friend come out here as well?" Rose was always a soft toned person, but he could be very serious when the situation called for it. Like when Love ruins the best parts for him in his sex magazines. He really doesn't like that.

"He's not my friend!" Grimmjow snapped and turned away from Rose, effectively spitting out the rest of the nuts. I glared at the mush of nuts by Grimmjow's feet and then glared at Grimmjow himself, holding myself back before I popped his little neck. It's a miracle that Ichigo survived around this annoying blue-furred nuisance for so long.

"What's going on?" Ah, speaking of the fuzz-butt... Here he is now. Grimmjow shrunk back into his ignoring pose, turning away from Ichigo with his arms over his chest and cheeks puffed out like little cotton balls. Daww, look at those puffy cheeks! Focus Shinji!

"Ichigo-san I was just looking for you. I wanted to ask you and Grimmjow a question. Can you come up here please?" Rose tapped on the counter lightly. Ichigo gave a light glare towards Grimmjow before doing so. He stood in front of Rose next to Grimmjow whom still pretended as if Ichigo wasn't there. Man, they should have been mules for how stubborn they were.

"I wanted to ask you two a question."

"Well, what is it?" They both asked, quickly realizing that they each spoke at the same time. They both glanced angrily at each other before looking away again. Really, it's like watching a television show over and over again. I hate a repeated cycle.

"How would you two like to become human?" Both perked up at that and looked at Rose with interest glimmering in their wide eyes. For a moment, I thought they were going to say yes or maybe 'what' but no instead they said this...

"Ha ha ha ha! Did you hear that Grimmjow? He said humans! Us! HAH!" They now clutched onto each other's shoulders, laughing like lunatics.

"Yeah! No one can even handle us this size. Just imagine if we were humans! Hah! What a riot!"

I turned off the burner on the stove. Pot of cooked noodles in hand, I moved toward the sink to drain out the hot water in the waiting colander. I suppose it was great to see them getting along nicely. I would rather have them acting civilly than riotous when they were depressed or overly moody.

"Hey, hey! I'm serious you two," Rose said, his normally gentle voice tried to sound more serious but failed at doing so.

"Yeah, sure! I'd love be human!" Grimmjow exclaimed before hopping off the counter and heading towards the bedroom.

"Yeah! Then I won't need to run away from stupid dogs." You could hear the repressed laughter in both of their voices. Ichigo too hopped off of the counter, following Grimmjow. I heard Rose sigh a bit in defeat. He leaned on the counter to watch me pour the pot of noodles into the colander.

"Do you think they took me seriously?"

"Oh, so very seriously," I replied, not really focusing on him. I was more focusing on my lunch, shaking excess water out of the noodles. He nodded before exiting the apartment with a huff.

"Hey! You didn't want any? Ah... tsk." With that he was already gone. I glanced down at all the noodles I had just prepared, sneakily watching the open bedroom door.

"Nah, I'll shove this down somehow."

-**Ichigo**-

I held onto the anger I had developed over the years for Grimmjow deep within me. It was actually hard to keep grudges against him. Well, at least I thought it was. Everyone else would be mad at him just seeing him waking up and farting, like the charming squirrel he is. Phffft. Smells like Shiro's butt, but worse. Smells like skunk ass. I teased him mercilessly about this for many days, but I stopped when I woke up to his butt farting in my face. I think that's where Shiro got the bright idea to sit on our faces and fart to wake us up.

I was lost in thought staring out a window of Shinji's apartment watching the human world below. They were scurrying around just like squirrels or anything else living I suppose. Grimmjow was in the kitchen making a meal out of the abundant supply of cashews. Shinji on the other hand left a bold, green post-it note on Grimmjow's forehead, announcing that he had left to go to the store to buy more food.

Hearing a light patter next to me, I turned my attention to the noise to see a nut sandwiched between two leaves. Grimmjow was just staring out the window. I grinned slightly and took the offered lunch from his extended paw, eating it as silently as I could. He sat down next to me looking aimlessly out of the window, also enjoying the comfortable silence. It was always like this after a large fight. We didn't apologize aloud; we showed our apologies through action.

Leaning to the side, I nudged his shoulder a bit ignoring his pissed-off demeanor at the motion. I felt the glares aimed toward me soften by the second. More words went unsaid. I held my gaze on the cashew and leaf sandwich, trying not to fidget under his gaze.

A click sounded and we both turned toward the source. A human came in; it was the same man from yesterday with the long blonde hair, but he was accompanied by a few others who I recognized as the humans watching the sex scene yesterday on that DVD thing. A woman with hair braided down to her bottom, along with the silver haired man with the dog named Butcher and a smaller girl with blond hair pulled up in some pig-tails on the side of her head with a weird snaggle tooth.

"There you two are. Well, at least it was easy to find you," The snaggle-toothed girl said, coming over and plopping what looked like a thimble in front of us with a dark purple liquid inside of it.

"What's that?" Grimmjow asked. I pushed the thimble around making the mysterious substance swirl around slightly.

"It looks precarious," I mumbled a bit. She huffed.

"Just drink it already."

"What is it?" Grimmjow repeated in a louder tone.

"It's what you asked for." The woman with the long braid of hair replied. We both stared at each other then down toward the liquid. We didn't ask for anything. My paw dipped in it, and I slowly licked the purple bead that formed on the tip. It tasted like...

"Acorns!" I squeaked out, now having my hands dive in it and pull up more of the liquid taking mouthfuls of it, Grimmjow quickly joined me in drinking the flavored liquid. Once it was all gone we sat down and rubbed our stomachs. A strange numbing sensation washed over me.

"Mmh that was good. I never had water that tasted like acorns before," Grimmjow proclaimed, thoroughly satisfied. I nodded lightly before lying on my back, groaning in relief.

"I feel numb." My words became slurred. I heard Grimmjow say something, but it was even more indistinct than my own. I turned my head to him, blinking widely when I saw him, well, naked. All his fur was gone.

"Grimmy..jowaay." I tried to speak, but it was useless. His head moved about, but it stopped immediately when his eyes met my own.

"Naaaykeed."

I forced my head to move to see myself naked as well. Fear welled up inside of me, as everything seemed to shift and mutate. My body grew longer and wider, and my feet became deformed. I turned back to Grimmjow who looked back from himself to me at the same moment. I spied fear rising in his azure eyes. The more time that passed the more I felt my eyes widen till they couldn't widen any more. We were unable to continue slouching on the ledge by the window because now we were too big to fit there. We had fallen to the floor during this strange phenomenon. Now we were pressed against the wall staring at each other wide-eyed. To simply put it, we were human.

"Ah!" I screamed, pushing away from the wall with my paws-hands, whatever-helping to pull me away from him. He did the same till we ran out of space to move back away from each other.

"Why are you two screaming?" A foot planted in my face, causing me to hiss in pain.

"Don't hit Ichigo you're gonna…gonna…squish him?" It started out in an outraged tone but had fallen a bit in confusion. Pulling open an eye, I saw the shoe pressed firmly against my cheek. She tsked before pulling her foot away.

"If that squished him I'd be shocked. Why the hell are you two so surprised about being human? It's what you asked for," She explained, her arms crossing over her chest.

"We never asked for this!" We shouted at her, now standing up on our paws-errgh, feet.

"What? You two said yesterday you wanted to be human," The blonde man said with his brows pinching together lightly.

"We thought you were joking."

"Yeah, we didn't actually think you fuckin' meant it for real!"

"I still don't see why you're upset. You're human; you don't have to worry about someone stepping on you." The human part stuck to my brain. I turned my head robotically to Grimmjow who slowly did the same. Eyeing him up and down, I felt fascination coming on. I moved toward him having a paw-fuck, I mean-having a hand go up to his shoulder and slide down slowly, enjoying the smooth warmth of his skin, almost grinning at the feeling. His large hand came up. A finger slid across my neck before going down to the finely toned musculature on my chest. Holding in a shiver, I chuckled instead.

"Ha ha ha!"

Now we were circling around each other examining each new body part. I was fascinated with this, whatever it was. One of my hands held his arm while the other trailed down to brush against his strong wrist. The arm I didn't have possession of found my backside. His hand traced over each weird dip, mainly the dip along the spinal cord, still traveling downward toward my...

"What the hell?" I heard a shriek. Looking over my shoulder, I see Shinji standing at the front door with a brown paper bag in one hand, and keys in the other, holding the door open with his sandal-clad foot. His brown eyes were wide, and his mouth was just as wide if not wider.

"Shinji, what's wrong?" The silver-haired man asked from a spot on the squishy sofa.

"Wh-What's wrong? Why are they human?"

"You said they wanted to be human," Rose said simply with a light shrug. So it was him who said that? Who cares? I can't find it in myself to be mad. I was too amazed at this…transformation. We didn't see the long-haired girl procure a camera from her bag, beginning to record, or the blonde-haired girl leaving.

"I didn't say that!"

"Yes, you did... you said it when you were straining the macaroni."

"Forget it! Why did you two drink it? I thought you wanted to stay human... Why did you- you…hot damn." It was hard to hear the last part, but his eyes had left our faces and went down. I peered down along with him to see my usually covered-you know, my nuts-mostly naked waving around all hard.

"Ah, it's showing!" I yelled, feeling heat curling around the back of my neck before flaring out around my face. I ran, embarrassed, out of the room with Grimmjow's laughter following me through the apartment.

"Hey, where are you going?" Shinji asked loudly following me, mostly into the room.

"Interesting, it's very sensitive. No wonder you humans like to play with it," I heard Grimmjow say, highly amused, as I pulled out a drawer I saw Shinji dig into a lot.

"Ichigo, get out of my clothes. Those won't fit you! Grimmjow, stop playing with your penis. Lisa, don't record Grimmjow playing with his penis. Ichigo! I'm telling you... Those clothes won't fit you! AH!"

**(Please pardon the interruption. We are experiencing some technical difficulties. Please bear with us as we work to rid the set of flaming appendages and clothing.)**

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><p><strong>AN: SapphE here. So sorry! I meant to update this about a week ago. I haven't been feeling in the mood to write or edit; so, it has kind of turned me into a complete slacker. I'm leaving for college soon. Everything is a little hectic and unnerving, but I'm hoping once I move in and get settled that RinLune and I can continue writing this. I also have to work on updates to my stories. I've been working on a new story, non-fanfiction. It's yaoi.  
>It's over on DA if you would like to check it out *yeah, shameless self-promotion here ;)* <strong>

http:/sapphirafire. / gallery/#/d3loeff

**just remove the spaces~ **

**Rin wrote the majority of this chapter. I edited. See you guys next time, and thanks for all your support!  
><strong>


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